Talking with Young Children about Adoption

I loved this book, the first few chapters are academic but stress that childrens reactions to situations don't necessarily reflect the fact that they're unhappy with their adoptive status. My favourite example was if the child yells with anger "I don't want to be adopted", consider if they use the same anger when you give them a vanilla icecream instead of chocolate and you get "I don't want chocolate!"
The latter chapters are written by parents and relate a series of different ways children have bought up the adoption issue. It's good to read real life discussions between parents and children rather than a psychologists idea of what these discussions should contain.
Very reassuring book for those who have been to seminars focusing on attatchment disorders and the problems associated with adoption rather than the joy of adoption.

To some it might seem trivial but the typeface and font used in this book make it tedious to read. It is well worth reading but I put it off when something else was available because I could only read a few pages before my eyes hurt. I think the font is a 7 when it needed to be at least a 10. Perhaps they used such small typeface to keep the book smaller and therefore easier to read? If so they missed the mark.

As an adoptive mother of two children, I have found this book to be incredibly valuable. It is easy to read, put down, and pick back up again after the kids are asleep! When we adopted our second child at 4 months, our 3 year old daughter was with us, so we were able to share her story as her new brother's unfolded. Prior to reading the book, we had decided to start telling the story as early as possible, but this book helped us to really understand why this is best for children. I appreciated the case studies of many different types of adoptions. I also liked this book, because it was not so overwhelming and scary as some adoption books can be. Finally, I took from the book that our children's perspective on adoption will be shaped by our perspective as their parents. Presenting their stories accurately and confidently as early as possible will help them to integrate this aspect of themselves into their whole being. Great book!

Both authors instilled confidence in me because they themselves are adoptive mothers and are seeing the issue from the inside out. I wish I had had a book such as this when we adopted our child in 1969 at age 4 days. I was completely in the dark as to when and how to tell our little girl about her adoption. I only knew that she had to be told and presumed that it should be as early as possible. Watkins's and Fisher's book give the adoptive parent(s) helpful guidelines in understanding (anticipating) the young adoptee's questions and concerns and are encouraged to be as natural as possible talking to their children any time the children bring up the topic. I would like mention one research study that tells us when we can expect adoptees truly to understand the notions of birth and adoption. In their book, Openness in Adoption, Exploring Family Connections, Harold D. Grotevant and Ruth G. McRoy found that the mean age of children NOT understanding the meaning of adoption is 5.8, age range 4.9-8.8; the mean age of children fusing the two concepts of adoption and birth is 6.4, age range 4.7-9.6; only at the mean age of 7.5, age range 4.7-12.9, do children clearly differentiate between adoption and birth as alternative paths to parenthood and accept that the adoptive family relationship is permanent, but do not understand why; children at a mean age of 8.9, age range 5.4-11.9, differentiate between adoption and birth but are unsure about the permanence of the adoptive parent-child relationship. The children at this age fear that the natural parents might reclaim them. At the mean age of 9.5, age range 6.6-12.6 the children vaguely understand that their relationship with their adoptive parents is permanent because a judge, lawyer, doctor or social worker signed some papers. Only at the mean age of 10.5, age range 8.0-12.1, is the adoption relationship fully understood with its characterized permanency.
Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?

Well, I had gotten through almost half of the book and was about to stop reading it when it started to get better. The first half was a bunch of detailed psychological text book information that, for the most part, I did not agree with or care about- not much fact- just opinions. The second part did save it giving detailed examples and stories of real people and their adopted children: how to communicate to the children, how children communicate about their adoption, feelings of adoptees and adoptive parents, what children might be concerned about at different ages, etc. I would definitely say that it is a good book to refer to when communicating to young children.