How To Lose Friends And Alienate People: A Memoir

In the heady days of the 1990s, Toby Young is hired at Vanity Fair. When he is fired - and for lots of good reason - he asked why he was hired in the first place. The response from Vanity Fair's publisher, Graydon Carter, is "I don't know why you were hired in the first place".

The book is an examination of New York publishing and social life. To be truthful, I was hoping that Toby was going to be a new Hunter S. Thompson. Alcohol and weirdness always seems to attract colorful writers. The late Dr. Thompson would never be warped enough to work at Vanity Fair; he would have either burned the place down or shot Carter with his pistol. Thompson would stick to sports and go with his strong suit. Toby works at Vanity Fair and comes across as the character on Seinfeld's. he is a living example of "George Constanza".

Really, Toby even says he dresses like a character on Seinfeld. He boffs very young women - which reads like you're watching "Seinfeld" - or he's nailing some freaked out coke head. The latter nearly has the Hunter S. Thompson feel. "I nez $250 fur zum coke!" I nearly died laughing when reading about that.

His descriptions of New York are very pre-9/11. The place is rich, snide, and has an ego. I wished Toby had made a few friends and written on how 9/11 made New York into a better place. However, Toby has no real friends to call and talk about 9-11. Perhaps it was best Toby didn't talk to anybody about 9/11. He would remark that the party life was not as fun in post 9/11 America. Yep, Toby is that sort of person.

Like Seinfeld's "George Constanza", Toby is not a serious person. He is a gadfly and admits it. Some of what he does in the book is bloody funny, such as when he upset the local AA group. The weird thing is the AA group deserved it. Toby makes the mistake of bragging about it a newspaper column.

Near the end of the book, Toby proposes to a woman who is 11 years his junior. This reads a little weird to Americans. Toby is an upper class Brit. His class is allowed this behavior. It just reads weird for Americans.

This reviewer usually reads either politics or history. Toby was a nice visit to New York as seen through the eyes of a British "George Constanza".

The books sell for as little as $1 on discount now. I would highly encourage some freewheeling reader and use it as a basis for a book report in a Freshman comp class.

For the longest time, I had this fascination with the New York lifestyle. Toby Young has painted such a brilliant picture of what it's really like, that I think it's safe to say that I probably won't be living in New York any time soon. The guy is such a skeez, definitely the kind of character you'd want to avoid in the streets, the kind of guy that girls' fathers warn them about.

Basically the book is just a tell-all of a bunch of people he knows, yes actual people, and it's actually really interesting to read. Suddenly the people at Vanity Fair magazine don't look so hot either. The book is full of snobbery and general stuck-upish-ness, a modern day blabfest of everything that's wrong with class systems, which can be broken down into A)Prada worshippers B)$100 dollar jean wearers and C)the people who don't give a crap one way or the other.

I bought this book, but I don't think you should, unless you really want to relish every moment of this book. I bought it because it's a good example of a decent memoir and Young proves that you don't have to have an adventuresome life to write a juicy book. Then again, maybe you should buy it.

I bought this book on the merits of its title alone. I had no idea of what the subject matter was. What a surprise!

Perhaps the best definition of Toby comes from Graydon Carter, the Editor in Chief at Vanity Fair. After Toby gets sued by the Evans, Graydon calls him:

"You're not frightened are ya?"
"Actually, I'm quite enjoying it"
"I bet ya are, ya little f*ck".

That's exactly what Toby is: a little f*ck. He knows it, he mopes about it for about 1.2 seconds, and then he honestly admits this is how he likes himself. Just for that he's got my vote.

Toby suffers from what he describes as "negative charisma". He does have a knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person. He is fascinated and awe-struck by celebrities and at the same time knows better than that. This book narrates the five years he spent in New York, first as an editor at Vanity Fair, then as a free-lancer. He arrives in the US dreaming of following in the footsteps of the greatest American journalists of the old Vanity Fair, who were dissolute, alcoholized, but absolutely brilliant, of independent minds and with a tell-it-like-it-is mentality (I wonder how TY feels nowadays about American journalistic integrity, given what we have been seeing in the recent past). What he discovered is that Vanity Fair had turned into a glossy tabloid with soulless journalism.

I wasn't totally sold on Toby right away. When i first started reading the book, i was somewhat taken aback by the shallow tone. After all, Toby depicts himself in the prologue as nothing but a party crasher. But soon enough i realized this guy could write, and do it very, very well. After a while, i developed a lot of sympathy for him, because in a way he and i suffer from the same malady: we can't stand people who take themselves too seriously. The Vanity Fair crowd, for example, was convinced that their sixth sense allows them to detect upcoming style trends. It does not occur to them that they dictate those trends. Toby could see that, but was appalled at The-Emperor-has-no-Clothes syndrome that prevailed at the magazine. Of course, his pointing out these facts to his coworkers and to his boss made him a pariah.

This book, to me, had a perfect balance of fluffy and brainy parts. The fluff is all the talk about Toby's misadventures and exploits. His entire stay is punctuated by the friendship-rivalry he has with Alex de Silva, who achieves everything that Toby desires (fame, fortune, sex with supermodels, etc). In fact, Toby jokes that instead of Cupid, he is followed by Stupid, an angel who always manages to strike people next to him with good luck arrows (this reminds me of an old friend. She dated three men in a row who ended up marrying the very next woman they dated. My friend joked that she should start a business). But a part of Toby is very juvenile, especially when he is in touch with other men, like his only pal coworker, Chris Lawrence. They spend the time discussing the huge racks on so-and-so, etc. I am not particularly sensitive about that attitude, and in fact i find it rather amusing, and a refreshing change of air against the politically-correct world we live in (more about that later). Toby completely redeems himself in this regard when he falls in love at the end of the book (my least favorite part).

The brainy stuff is fascinating. He compares the NY dating scene with Victorian England and Jane Austen's novels, and goes to town describing the hypocrisy of certain women who rather than upholding what would be honest feminists concept, search for a mate with strong material and social status qualifications.

Toby spent some time in Harvard in the late 80s, the birth of the Politically Correct movement, and expounds on the desert-like intellectual environment he had to endure, at such odds with his concept of the American mind. It was only after he read Alexis de Tocqueville's Democracy in America that he started to understand the reasons for the dogmatic and complacent climate of the times (which sadly have been perpetuated to present times).

Perhaps the most controversial piece of brainy commentary is the one about the cultural differences between American and English society when it comes to social status. In America, we use a meritocracy system: your worth is reflected by your achievements. In England, your status is based on who your parents are, so you are less likely to be judged harshly when your chips are down. Granted, this is not an ideal system either, as the British Empire has not always taken this benevolent approach wherever they've gone around the world, but there's something to be said about the emphasis that we in America place on personal achievement and what this represent.

One rare thing is that this book has an index, which i loved and proved to be very useful.

I am dying to use my favorite quote of the book: "He is all broadcast and no reception". I know a few people that fit that description.

If culturally you are not an American, but you live/d here, i bet you are going to agree with a lot of what Toby has to say.

This is a good bargain book or library read; it is not one to own. The inside jacket flap compares this book to You'll Never Eat Lunch in this Town Again. This isn't You'll Never Eat Lunch, because the reason Young isn't lunching is because he is mediocre and uncharismatic, not because he revealed secrets and dirty laundry. He's actually very protective of his subjects, not revealing many names. He is only relentless with Tina Brown and Graydon Carter.

Young has many philosophies which are uninteresting and lengthy, but he does make a good point about the American Dream and meritocratic society (a phrase coined by Young's father). Americans think you can overcome social status and income to become anyone, so anyone who isn't doing well is dismissed. Britons believe much more that your chances in life "are profoundly affected by who your parents are," and therefore, "they're less inclined to judge people according to how well or badly they're doing."

I did notice a few errors and typos in this book. Was it not edited at all?

Young is friends with Candace Bushnell, and in many ways his novel is reminiscent of the social scene Bushnell writes about. Fans of her work may well enjoy this true-life glimpse at the social ladder of NY.

It is very difficult to like Toby Young (certainly on the basis of this book), however this is a very good and entertaining book.

It tells the story of Toby Young's time in New York working for Vanity Fair magazine. Toby Young is an interesting, if not particularly attractive, character. He is a very strange mixture of high brow and base instincts coupled with a rather adolescent sense of humour and an amazing ability to offend both intentionally and unintentionally. He seems very self-aware in reflection but is clearly unable to use this self-awareness in the heat of the moment. At times he seems to suffer from 'Roger Rabbit' syndrome - he must say it because it is funny (at least to him) regardless of the consequences.

Toby Young arrives in New York expecting to the presented with a smorgasbord of attractive women bowled over by his English accent, evident (at least to him) intelligence and his celebrity connections (from his position at Vanity Fair). This does not happen. He expects to have a brilliant career at Vanity Fair but he finds the office politics difficult (because he is not a believer) and his sense of humour and capacity of foot in mouth constantly land him in trouble. He becomes obsessed with celebrities but demonstrates a total lack of ability to talk to them in interviews or social situations - a bit of a problem when working for a celebrity magazine. He finds many aspects of life at Vanity Fair distasteful and cannot keep his mouth shut about them leading him inexorably towards the door.

Toby Young comes from the great British tradition of intellectual scepticism (lapsing into cynicism and negativity) and through this filter he is often startlingly perceptive about Vanity Fair, New York and the USA in general. These are the best bits of the book. The chapter on Harvard is very interesting - the lack of intellectual diversity and curiosity appalled him as did the dogmatism and lack of dissent. He is quite perceptive about sexual and office politics although this is somewhat tainted by some of his personal attitudes. The analysis of the popularity of Jane Austen and the New York marriage market is spot on and hilarious; as is the analysis of the extremely hierarchical nature of US society, the so-called meritocracy, and the appalling behaviour in engenders. He is also very good on the shallowness of Vanity Fair and the fashion world in general. Less impressively he has problems with homophobia or rather an inability to notice that people are gay and then saying something ridiculously inappropriate. He also flirts with sexism although some of this is due to a descent into a rather laddish worldview caused by his inability to cope with Vanity Fair and New York.

This is a rather uneven book sometimes very intelligent and perceptive (most of the analysis), at others infantile and rather silly (most of the stuff actually about Toby Young). However, it is a very entertaining book if you can cope with Young's less attractive qualities.