Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

My husband and I are in the middle of the adoption process, and this book was so dark and depressing that I could not get through it. It makes adoption out to be a terrifying, wounding experience that the adoptee will never get over. In addition, it made me as a prospective adoptive mother feel horrible and guilty for wanting to adopt a baby. Books like this will keep people from adopting and will prevent birth mothers from forming adoption plans.
In fairness, it does highlight some important issues surrounding adoption, but it does so in such a dark way that it left me feeling helpless and unsure of what I am doing. I cannot recommend this book to anyone who is considering adoption. DO NOT READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!

Before, during, or after you adopt read this book! It could prepare, protect, or propell your relationship with your adopted child. In my work as a speaker on family issues, I have adoptive parents ask for resources. This is one book I can highly recommend.

The Birth to Five Book: Confident Childrearing Right from the Start

I will only finish reading this book is because it's required by my adoption agency. I am looking forward to reading other books about adoption; unfortunately this was the first. Initially I laughed at the blatant bias, but as I continued to read, Eldridge's warnings about primal loss and unresolved grief painted an overwhelmingly discouraging and depressing view on adoption, one which is not shared by my friends and family who have been adopted.
As mentioned in other reviews, to support the theory that a three-day-old adopted infant is a grieving infant, the author cites a seven-year-old's recollections of his adoption day. She states, "an adoptive mom...asked her seven-year-old son, who was adopted at three days of age, what his perceptions were of his adoption day. His response was startling; 'I didn't know who any of you were. I didn't even know your names. I was so afraid.'"
Some of Eldridge's suggestions for talking to your child seem likely to plant and foster feelings of helplessness and anger where none may have existed. Yes, you should talk openly with your child. Yes, an adopted child has unique needs and issues. But children are impressionable, and taking a positive view of adoption isn't equivalent to denial. Adoption is a beautiful way to build families, and everyone (adopted or not) has issues that need to be worked out. I would've like the author to spend more time discussing how to be a compassionate, unconditionally loving, nurturing parent.

I couldn't finish reading this book because I felt like I was being brain washed. Yes, I am adopted. Yes, I understand that some people have difficulties raising adopted children and dealing with all the issues that come with adoption; but this book was so negative/dramatized/and over thought that I had to stop reading.

This is my problem. I don't like people telling me or hypothesizing how I feel; that I suffer from abandoment issues, identity probelms and struggle with trusting or emotionally attaching myself to others. I don't like it that adoptees have these tags on them and are made to feel different.

I wanted to tell the author to shut up. I love my life. I love my parents. I wouldn't and couldn't have chose anything better.

So maybe you need this book, maybe you like this book but it is definitely not for everyone.

This book was terrific! We are getting ready to adopt a sibling group from the foster care system & it gave us a lot to think about from someone who really knows what they're talking about! I ready it through and am now reading it to my husband as we take trips in the car. Very insightful & full of information we feel will help us understand the hearts & minds of our children! If you are considering older child adoption, I would greatly recommend this book.