Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

This book seems more like a cathartic memoir of a woman's painful adoption experience rather than an unbiased helpful guide. As another reviewer wrote - who are her sources? Are they unbiased or did she seek out those with equally painful experiences? It doesn't seem to be a balanced or objective study. I couldn't even get through a third of this book - the melodrama put me off. I've read many other superior books dealing with adoption, loss, grief and attachment disorders.

As an adopted person and a counselor, I would highly recommend this book to adopted people, adoptive parents, and those who work in the field of adoption. Some of it is very difficult to read because of the emotional nature of the content, but it is so honest and truthful that it cannot be ignored. As painful as it may be to try to understand some of the more difficult aspects of the family of adoption, not attending to them is to choose not to fully understand ourselves and our children. Eldridge gives excellent examples and specifically explains things that parents can do to foster growth and self-awareness for their children.

I understand that the writer is explaining things from her own perspective and she clearly explains that some of the issues mentioned in her book may or may not apply to every case.

As a newly adoptive mom I liked the book because it tells you the many many things that you could do wrong and it prepares you for what could be the worst case scenario. I agree that probably many kids or parents would not face all these problems but even if only one appears, then the bookd would be helpful.

The one thing I do not like about the book is that it was written thinking only in adoptions in the US, for example in my country there is no such thing as open adoption, all adoptions are closed adoptions.

But in overall I liked the book because it showed me things I had never thought of.

I'm grateful to Sherrie for her insights. Needing thirty hours of pre-adoptive education, I've had my head in quite a few books. What I found most helpful was ~ she explained what she sees as a problem and then follows up with specific ideas as to solving the problem. It's a book I'm sure I'll read again as our little girl grows up. Having this book on your shelf is something you won't regret.

Most of the issues that the author describes are the same as for any biological child. For example, The parents are trying to live through the child, and put their own goals onto him/her. (Who doesn't know biological families like this??) The child is a perfectionist and tries to please everyone, becoming unhealthily obsessed with being "good." (Again, we all know children like this, whether adopted or not; the high schools are full of them). The author takes her experience (adoption in the 1940s) and assumes that things are the same today. Very few adoptive parents today would lie to their children, pretending that they had given birth to them. This is 2006! This book MIGHT be good for people in middle age who were adopted as infants-- assuming that they are still interested in deconstructing their childhoods.