How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

As a professional Psychotherapist I am recommending this book to all my clients. It reads easily, has very important data, and good humor through out. It helps to take a step further in the understanding that we are different creatures in gender and to get this so that we may move onto real relationship. I highly recommend it for all who dare to be in relationship and do their personal work! My husband loves it too!

This book's name and the cover design really does not do it justice. It's for anyone in a man/woman relationship, no matter what their age. I have highly recommended it to my 21 year old daughter. Michele Wiener-Davis ("Divorce Busting") is my "marriage guru," and I see that she recommends it too.

My marriage was having problems and it got so that no matter what I said or how I said it, my husband freaked out and complained that I was "digging." I became desperate and didn't have any idea what I was doing wrong. I needed knowledge and action and I needed it fast.

I had studied assertiveness training and knew how to use "I statements" but they just were not working at all. And nothing could convince my husband to use them, let alone understand them. In order to use an assertive "I statement" you first have to be able to identify the feelings behind your statement. Some men can learn this but my hubby couldn't.

If you've ever wondered why your man over-reacts and gets angry or withdraws no matter how you approach him, then you must read this book now (you can also buy a version at e-books if you just can't wait, like me). If you love biological psychology, you will go for this author's theories about the origins of men's tendency toward hyper-arousal, and women's deep need for connection.

Not only does it explain it all in easy to understand language, but it actually tells you what to do to correct the problem of driving your man away by talking to him. This book could save you thousands of dollars in wasted money with marriage counselors. It will turn you on your head if you believe that lots and lots of verbal communication and analyzing is the key to a good marriage.

This book is worth it's weight in gold to me, and I'm hoping maybe the author will come out with a sequel!

I have been reading this book nonstop. I was curious if it has helped others as much as it has helped me! It looks like it has.

This is a fantastic book, it not only has been helping my relationship with my husband without him knowing why, but I see so many of my friends relationship problems explained in front of my eyes! Not only the explanations but how to fix things.
Thank you for this book.

I have read a lot of relationship material. When I read this book, a light came on that wasn't on before. I am referring to understanding how women and men translate communication based on their primary issues which are fear or shame - put very generally. Knowing this allowed me to take another step in my personal development because I could now stop reacting to what my partner was saying and understand more fully why she was saying it. Sounds simple, but is extremely profound.

I gave this book only 5 stars because that is as high as the rating system will allow. It provides both men and women with the means of understanding themselves and their partner in ways that lead to trust and respect toward themselves and each other. It is a truly empowering work for both men and women. The authors share their understanding grounded in years of practical experience working with relationships that have gone wrong and even suffer from abuse. The authors provide a basic understanding of the biological basis for the differences in the perception of men and women that create shame in men and anxiety (fear) in women. Knowing and appreciating the nature of these differences helps you understand and have compassion for your partner (and yourself!) when struggling. When you have compassion for others you would never knowingly harm them. Using the guidelines offered in the book help create a bond of mutual appreciation and understanding. Men and women have different "realities" created by evolutionary selection. This is a condition to be understood and dealt with compassionately. It is not a problem to be "solved" by making men more like women and women more like men. It acknowledges men and women are simply different, not wrong, not right, just different. The book provides various surveys that will help the reader become conscious of exactly what the differences are and what how to honor the differences. It offers many suggestions on how to prevent resentment from creeping into relationships. It also shows you how to maintain your own emotional well-being by discovering, developing and accessing your own core values.