Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft

This book gets a mixed review. It was helpful because it identified possible issues of adopted toddlers and their parents. For example, it was good to know that a toddler might reject the new parent who is trying hard to comfort him or her. However, the book did not offer much issue-solving advice and it focused heavily on negative adoption scenarios that did not resolve well.

This book offered some practical advice for transition mixed with completely impractical advice. An example of practical advice includes things you might send to your child, before meeting him or her, to make the transition more familiar. Sending pictures of the parents, siblings, house, etc. was suggested. However, much of the actual transition advice was not practical for foreign or even U.S. adoptions. Many foreign countries provide no provisions for you to meet your child before "hand-off" and if they do, it is under the guidelines of the country and/or adoption agencies, not in the control of the adoptive parents. Pushing for different options is often not possible, especially for older parents who may have their adoption choices limited to a handful of countries.

In summary, read this book because toddler adoption is different than adopting an infant but be cautious about negative scenarios.

Rather than find this book negative, I find it realistic and informative. Toddler adoption is not for people who wish they adopted an infant. This is the message of this book. It does share some of the problems one might come across when adopting a child, tantrums, attachment issues, etc. However, it consistently gives a hopeful positive message. The realities of adopting a toddler are included as well as the joys of adopting a toddler. I believe that those who find this book negative are expecting that there will be no inherent problems in adopting a child whom you are taking away from the only home they have known at one year old or more. They are wrong.

Please do not read this book if you ever plan to adopt. I was very depressed and frustrated after reading this book. According to this book the only good age to adopt is an ifant. Apparently they don't believe other children deserve a home too. I'm glad I was well informed by real professional and good friends who have adopted before I read this book. Please do not read this RUN! Toddlers deserve a loving home too!

This is a great book, but pretty heavy on the "horror stories". We were so convinced by the horror stories that we pressed for a non-trivial amount of transition time with the birth mother, and she thought we were being too much of a pain and dumped us :-(

This is an informative book that has opened my eyes to a whole new world of adoption. The author gives constructive advice on how to win the trust and affection of a grieving, raging toddler. We adopted a four-day old girl in 1969 and were spoiled by the ease of raising our daughter compared to what it might have been like to adopt her as a toddler. I do know one family that adopted four older siblings and the stress of trying to earn these childrens' trust all but broke up the marriage. I greatly admire anyone who does the right thing and adopts an older child. After reading this book, I actually feel a little guilty to have taken the easy way out. One has these dreams of adopting the cute little boy or girl next door but doesn't realize that the toddler available for adoption may have special needs.
Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?